PASSING BY!

How did I get myself in this situation? At first it felt so sweet, adventurous, hidden & no one the wiser. Look at me now, my relationship is sinking fast like a ship with gaping holes readying to get lost at the bottom of the ocean. Why did I have to talk behind his/her back? What was I thinking? Look at all the damage that I have done. What have I now become: mean, angry, jealous, selfish & self-centered, all for what? I am losing family & friends quicker than I can say. “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”. 

I am constantly worried by the mere thought of, what if! Yet before, I was a free spirit minding my own & caring more of what I thought of myself than what others thought of me. To stumble is not to fall & to be or not to be that is indeed the question. I am not okay. I am holding onto life by a very thin blade of grass, grasping at what I can, not to fall. The rope wound up round my wrist bites deep into my flesh, as I refuse to let it go. 

Fearing that if I do, I will fall with nothing to keep me safe & secure. No time do we feel comfortable with the unfamiliar but rather are unsettled. We fear what we don't know & hide behind the known. I am not okay. It burns on the inside, like a searing pain etched in my brain. Why does it hurt so much? The weight of it all is way more than anticipated or expected. It was all a lie, to be grown & independent. It is not every time that you hear the war cry that you have to arm yourself ready for war. 

There are moments when you just have to let go of your battle gear & just walk away. It is wise to note that not every action requires a reaction. At times, getting that peace of mind matters more than what the society thinks of you. Each moment that we have the breath of life, we need to be thankful. Seeing another day is not an automatic right. You might one day experience the light at the end of the tunnel moment with no return policy. 

Such are the moments that scare people the most as they are unpredictable like the coming of Christ. There you are, one day just minding your own business then poof all of a sudden you disappear like mist. You better watch out how you carry yourself in this realm as it is not a permanent gig. Do you recall when you were young, your parents or guardians always undertook to take photos of the moment. This was so as to preserve the precious memories unlike the current times when selfies & quick snaps are for clout. 

Times have changed but how we conduct ourselves at the get go is the determination of the trajectory of what we hope our lives will take. No one prepares you for life, it has no manual & every day is a school day as class is in session. New things pop up every now & then & you are left wondering how am I going to survive this. There is a harsh reality outside there. When someone is treating you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation. You ought to know your worth, for no coin resembles the other no matter how you aim to create perfection. 

We are all forged in different fires to come out as we are. Ready or not, you will be thrown into the real world to fend for yourself. The question that will be ringing in your ears will be, “can I handle this?’. You better brace yourself for the scorching fire that shall descend upon you like the hail of Sodom & Gomorrah. Keep yourself in check & have set principles that become your beacon to others of who you are. If I may ask, “if your name is called out loud amongst your peers will it be one, others would be comfortable being associated with or would it be one, others will want to be distanced with like the black plague?”. 

Your walk on this earth ought to leave a legacy behind that generations to come will look up to & not cower from it. Do you know what the saddest thing is? The people who are most hurting, who are broken, who are suffering, who are in pain, they will do absolutely anything for anybody. This is because they do not want anyone else going through that pain, that suffering but in doing so, they even break even more because no one else does that for them.

“When I say I am blessed. I don’t mean money or material things. I mean situations that were sent to destroy me but didn’t even touch my soul”. 

When someone is not right for you, God is going to allow that person to disappoint you, disrespect you, embarrass you & maybe even make you feel like you are alone when you are with them until you have no choice but to leave. Sometimes you need to feel the pain and sting of defeat to activate the real passion and purpose that God has predestined inside of you. God says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. 

There is always a test before promotion. God will give the hardest battles to the strongest warriors. So, understand that before the next blessing walking in your life, it’s going to be a test. Anything that is worth having if going to be hard to get. You have got to be able to see that what it is that you are going through right now, you feel like it is killing you, is really just preparing you for what God has got coming next. 

Dear Lord, thank you for the breath in my lungs this morning. Thank you for waking me up & giving me another chance at this life. Thank you for this warm day & the roof over my head. I am sorry God for anything that I take for granted on a daily basis. Please posture my heart to see all the good in today. I pray that you would protect me, replacing anxiety with peace & worry with joy. Blanket me in your strength as you fight battles for me. I pray that you would open doors that need to be opened & slam shut the ones that you need closed. I pray for my heart, that it would seek refuge in you before anything else. Lord, please make me a vessel for your kingdom & if things don’t go as planned, please remind my heart that your plan is far greater. Let my eyes see & my ears hear your voice today. Amen!!!